Are you my people?

“sometimes you come across as the most thoughtful guy, other times you sound like an a**hole.“

this characterization was assigned to me on a recent weekend trip to Colorado with 8 guys. it might be my new litmus test for spotting like-minded individuals. so in my ongoing quest to find my people i will today outline a few “types” with whom i’m associated and why they don’t make the cut.

founders

here i have the most overlap. founders are optimistic risk takers with a bias for action. but a lot of them waste time on things that don’t matter, like caring about technology for technology’s sake. or they subscribe to the progressive default that change==good, never honoring tradition or asking why it often prevails.

specialists

people who are very good at their craft. i might share the least in common with them. sure, they’re fascinating to watch… whether the engineering-focused YouTuber or calligrapher. but my qualm is when they under-appreciate founders by succumbing to the E-Myth fallacy. (a successful auto shop needs more than a great mechanic)

Real People

this is the group i most looked forward to befriending when i moved to a small town. six years of cocktail hours in Manhattan and San Francisco wear on your soul when all you wanna do is drink iced coffee, read books, and play Counter-Strike (1.6). these people don’t care about world hunger, they care about feeding their family. but they also don’t keep a schedule (aka promises), and they complain about money instead of figuring out how to earn it… near zero alignment with my values.

Normies

somewhere between Real People and Specialists. these are ambitious, well paid individuals with dreams and goals. it’s who i attended school with, who you meet while traveling abroad. but their hobbies are so foreign to me, i can’t even bullsh*t my way in conversation. over beer (gross) they discuss golf, watches, brunch, crypto, Science Fiction, fiction books… i have no clue what any of this means.

Church-goers

i’m a Christian. so we agree on 10/10 important things (say, the commandments). but one time after church in 2014, my group of twentysomethings went to Rosa Mexicano in the Upper West Side, known for their dozen flavors of sangria. i was the only person who ordered one. once you see a fake Christian you cannot un-see it. these cowards’ priority is one-upping other Christians instead of making an impression on non believers. and this was not an isolated incident. a few months ago i started hanging out with a Christian neighbor who encouraged me to a watch a new movie that was playing in theaters. then he mentioned getting a refund for his ticket because it had a sex scene that made him feel bad. why did he have to tell me about the refund? as i said you cannot un-see it.

Fans

i hesitate to include this section but 100s of Very Kind Emails From Strangers are enough to warrant a few words. these people see something in me that i don’t see in myself. they seem to think that by sharing a coffee or reading my blog posts, we’ll arrive at the same conclusions. i wish it was the case. but a quick measure of results here yields… maybe a few dozen success stories? so no, i cannot find my tribe in a group with <1% conversion rate.

Nobody’s

the last frontier. here are some characteristics i’m looking for:

• prefers to talk about ideas > people
• takes risk
• doesn’t worry about money, feels neutral about money
• allergic to status games
• low maintenance – can hit “pause” on comms for months at a time
• openly admits their flaws
• avoids starting non-emotional sentences with “i feel like…”
• willing to suffer; laughs at small injuries
• doesn’t need AI to perform
• can build and sell; demonstrates self-reliance
• not fat (duplicate entry: willing to suffer)

writing these was helpful. it’s my own version of the Female Delusion Calculator. most people are not going to break Greene’s 30th law, avoid gossip, spend free time improving themselves, say “no” to a Rolex that is a “great deal,” or create jobs. but these are my standards. now we know.